Sunday, 6 September 2015


Firstly, NO it's not the end! 

I really wanted to do a post on my personal story sharing it with you guys, on what happened to me when my results weren't ...
what I was expecting...

I was predicted to get
Art A*
Citizenship A
English language B???
English lit B
Maths C

oooo what happened? :O
read on~
to knoww moreee

Funny enough I was talking to a friend of mine about her story couple of days before, speaking about she found her ambition or career path; all because she failed her exam for something which I totally forgot the name of and she retook the test and found that the subject she was taking just wasn't for her because she yet again failed it.
(sometimes she said to me, it's not meant to be)

She found her ambition after having broken up with her boyfriend, she told me; though she was going through some tough times - life works in really mysterious ways because she found
 herself (in this case her career path in medicine)
and soon after was back with her boyfriend.

How does this have anything to do with my post 
you will soon see haha

It started with resultsday~ dundunduuuuu
The worst day everrrr~
I mean, it wasn't, all bad just, that one graade.
Funnily enough, that one grade was the grade which I needed the most~ to go into college
 to do A-levels which I had in mind of doing.
 However thinking back and choosing the subjects which
I chose, I wasn't completely satisfied with my choice, but at time, I felt that, it was my only choice. Being expected to, because naturally everyone was. (following the crowd)

Of course, I cried and thinking back to myself it was stupid and useless.
You really can't help it, when your in that situation,
where you think to yourself, what did I do wrong?

 It wasn't anything to do with what I had done.

because I worked my butt off that year!!
Surprisingly I passed maths!
Yes maths; which I struggled with so much, I should be celebrating not crying,
I got A* in Art.
I mean I've achieved 4 A-A*s overall- why am I crying?)

Aren't Asians supposed to be good at academics!?
Firstly its a stereotype - it's not true!!
Secondly, funnily enough I'm not that, and when some compares to other Asians in my school (who are really smart) or even this Asian Stereotype -
I get so annoyed and frustrated at the narrow-minded comment...
I know
Yes, I'm bad at maths and English and a girl, I know
  why should I compare myself, IAM ME!

I struggle~ with my academics and I'm not ashamed of it~
because I love art, and I enjoy learning even if I'm bad at it.
I try my best and I give it a go.
In the most strangest way, I enjoyed science,  maths, english and I loved writing
 I guess my love for it didn't show.

My most of my friends have that high expectation from their parents, 
I know alot of my asian (and non asian) friends growing up with a lot pressure from their parents to do well and to get high grades because they did not have the opportunity and want the best for them - which I understand

Does your mum care if you do bad?
MATHs , which for those who've followed me for sometimes would know that I disliked the subject, and english was a place for me to voice what I had to say so I really enjoyed writing.

Yes she does, but she doesn't throw her frying pan at me.
She sees it as my life, where I should take my own responsibility; learning things for myself and being able to have that freedom.
I'm lucky and fortunate to have parent's who are very understanding and they are parents who are 1st generation - they moved from Vietnam to London
 So its crazy - not having that pressure from them.
(then again my whole family is very laidback; I mean my gran accepted my aunt's marriage with my Algerian uncle 
- which is A HUGE THING -
Since in most Asian family they wouldn't even accept their child dating anyone 
other than their own ethnic background 
and my gran~ my gran baring in mind she's 1st generation who immigrated to London,
accepted their relationship~ woah~ 
 adding to it on top, was my aunt would have to convert her self to Islam because he was Muslim and in our entire family we are a born Buddhist. 
 [My family is very chilled and accepting]

 My parent's haven't been able to have a decent education,
my mother is illiterate - she's been hustling since day one trying to make a living. However she's never given me pressure about how I should live my life which I feel has a huge impact to what  make me, who I am today.
My parents don't have any expectation other than for me to make the right choices and responsibility.
however small or big my families dreams, we are able to work hard.
Growing up: seeing my dad and mum work hard, seeing them become successful with three businesses and two homes - shows me that a dream is a dream no matter how small or even if  you don't have much. 
My mum and dad came to a country where they could not speak a single word and now achieved so much.

I have an older brother who's in accounting
an older sister who's a doctor
my second older brother who is a chef and is building up is own brand
and me a budding designer... :)

we all have dreams and without them we wouldn't be able to strive for success, my two other siblings went through the educational system to become successful but it doesn't mean it's for everyone, for someone like me; in love with the arts, creativity. Education has done nothing more than down grade me and marginalized me to the unsuccessful and underachiever - it's not that I don't try, I try very hard~ 

If a child can't learn the way we teach, 
teach the way they learn.

I'm a strong believer of, not everyone is the same and so, we all have different ways of learning; I know for a fact that I had an AMAZING english teacher one of which enjoyed art and philosophy, he made the lessons enjoyable and easier to understand. It was one of the reasons why I excelled in his class but dropped when I changed teachers.

This is just my opinion, an opinion that I see as proven fact, in my eyes xD 
Just because, I was an ambitious child, I enjoyed learning things
the teachers seemed to have an effect on the way I progressed. 
French which I failed, with an E... I was so upset, but then again my school was a complete chaotic MESS! 
Teachers were switching on and off, with substitute teacher who didn't even teach the subject or had a qualification in the subject -__-
a teacher who had enough and was supposed fired two weeks before our actual exams!!!
luckily, it was in yr7-8 and the school now has got better towards yr9-10.

 the one thing that
- my mum taught me was -
I'm not going to be there by your side for the rest of your life,
I can't pressure you or make
 you to do something you don't want to.
and I'm stuck to that like glue~
 That's what my mother's taught me~
 Getting an amazing job as a lawyer, is amazing~ but it doesn't make me happy,
money and riches isn't my dream in life, though I have many friends who strive for it,
there's nothing wrong with it, it's your dream.
My dream is different.
I want to make a change~ in myself before I can do it to others around me~
being confident is something I'm struggling and I hope to grow and become confident

I'm someone who strongly believes in working hard to achieving your
and that there's so many routes you can take to get where you want in life.

I hate that the grade
I got, defined my capability, originally expecting to do A-levels in;
fashion textiles
history of art
business studies

 when I know,
I'm worth sooo much more
When I know,
 I'm capable of so much
and the education system down grades me to a category that says
well, I say


On Wednesday 26th August
It was raining like crazy here in London.. non stop, pouring buckets after buckets. 
I had to painstakingly run in the rain from one building to another (which was apart of the same school, just different building for certain subjects) to go to their art building, in order to apply for Btech level3

I finally got there after a looong bus journey,spending 15min stuck in traffic -____-
and well, the tutor there told me that there was only ONE SPACE left for Level3 Fashion,
she asked me thing one question which decided my space...

How fast can you go home, to get your portfolio?

baring in mind I'm wet from the rain, annoyed from the traffic and tired because I didn't get the chance to eat breakfast ooor lunch and by now I was on the urge to clasping or even fainting...

I said, VERY FAST!!
veryy fast? what?
I really, really wanted it!
 I didn't want that grade to define me and so I had to!
I ran home ( not really lol I live1hr 15min away ) I went home to grab all my stuff and went to my community centre to grab my artsaward (bronze and silver).
By now I was on the edge to clapsing, haha I was carrying so many things (three bags which I was trying to juggle) and it was soo heavy! I was in pain emotionally and physically, I couldn't give up. Dont worry guys, I ate my sandwich on the train :D

I was finally there, after several stops and changes with the tube; I arrived and they said I had so much potential it's crazy how I'm only 16. (which it made me feel at ease knowing that - my hard work from spending all 4years of my summer and meeting such amazing student ambassadors paid off)


After filling in the forms, I was to head down to get my ID card!
simple and easy right?
Nope, I didn't have my righht birth certificate she told me to go home and come back with my long one, I was going to throw a fit and saying;
HEY! LADY did you know, what I've JUST been through today~~
Nope I held it in, I smiled and said would it be okay for me to come on Friday (because Thursday I was working)

I came back on friday! :D super happy
but NOPE it was super not,
she told me I should of bought my long birth certificate and my mother's passport!!!
she did not tell me that
 at all!!!
She was standing, with this blank expression saying to me;
oh I remember you
your the girl that lives far~~~
oh I feel bad now~
It started to get so awkward
so I said
oh its okay!! :) smiles!! I'll go home and get it~
see youu~
I had to go home AGAIN~
and get my mothers passport
 and I got mine just in case
and my birthcertificate to be extra suure
ID CARD hehe :D

If life gets to you
but also 
just because life didn't plan out,
how you wanted it to be
doesn't mean your doing anything wroong.
It could be for the better!

I mean Btech is known as second choice, but thinking about it~
it makes sense for me to do btech...
I know, I could just very well be saying it because I'm doing it.
Doing Btech would allow me to work on my skills and develop my portfolio ready for university! (CSM at heart) - because UAL (university arts london) is different to the Russell group universities.
they base a lot on your skills and your ability
grades on paper don't show as well as you actually doing it...
cause we all know actions speak louder than words. xD

Which is good because I really want to do fashion and to get into the top fashion university in the world!! would be a dreaam come truuue~~

In conclusion~

Just because I hit barriers in life it doesn't mean it will stop
or put me off of achieving my dream
 and just because I'm doing Btech
 it wont stop me.
haha the moral of the story // post is

WOW! that was a looong post,
 I hope to see you in my future posts
Sindy xx

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